Olivia

This is not about a book. Though I am on page like 80 of Dear John and they have met and it's sweet!! Nothing too good has happened yet in the book to make me think and want to write. However, I've been playing with Olivia a lot today. She is an un-normal child. She does not like to sleep. She barely takes naps and usually I'm at school during the day and I don't deal with her much. But on weekends I do and I realize how much I love being a mom. She laughs a lot and she's crawling and pulling herself to stand on everything! It scares me sometimes. And if you say "Patty cake, Patty cake," she claps her hands. It is so cute. And she can wave bye. And all this JUST came about in the last week. I have videos of some of it that I'm going to upload to my Facebook soon. She is just the cutest girl in the entire world. She is my pride and joy and she is the reason I live. I wouldn't be who I am today without Olivia. I know it's best to wait until you're married to have children. I completely agree and I DO NOT suggest or recommend having a child unmarried and at a young age because it is hard. But she is such a miracle and such a blessing to me. There isn't one minute that I would trade. Being a mother is a full time job but I love every second of it. The pay is so rewarding. She laughs all the time and she plays around with me and I cherish every second I spend with her. She is growing so fast & before I know it, she'll be off to college. Anyways, she hasn't slept much today until now and I've spent all day with her and it's been amazing. Tiring, but amazing. And now, suprisingly enough, I'm going to go run. It's been a while since I've really ran. The past two-three months have been bad. I used to run daily and now I've been such a slacker. It depresses me. GOD I'm so bipolar! But anyways, I'm trying to really fit running in every day again like I used to. Off I go..

Love

I decided to pause my book On Off, because it's at a boring part, and read Dear John. I haven't started yet but I read the cover and it's a love story. Of course I knew that from the movie previews but I like love stories. They are so sweet and I feel like I'm part of the relationship. Haha, so I always feel good after reading love stories.

So, now I'm going to go read!! I'm going to see the movie with my mom and sister next Saturday so I will be done by then. Probably this weekend I'll finish with all the snow :] I also have a ton of homework to do too. My to do list is rather long. But right now I'm going to cuddle up with my snuggie & Dear John!

On, Off

Right now I'm reading a murder mystery called On, Off. Some parts are interesting and some are not. Murder mysteries are my favorite and usually I don't get disinterested in them. However, this one is set in the 1960s. So, it's a little different. The victims are young (16 years) girls. As a mother, it's sad to think that yes, this is a novel, but this really does happen! It's so sad. Turning on the news every day hearing of children being abducted or murdered, raped, whatever you call it, it's horrible! I never noticed how often it happened until I became a mother though. And to think this is the world we live in. Seriously? Well, God have mercy on ANYONE who dare lay a hand on my baby girl. Police would never find a body, maybe just "evidence" to suggest that person was dead :] Scary thoughts.

I'm trying to finish this book soon and start Dear John though so I can go see the movie! It looks good & I'm obsessed with reading books BEFORE watching the movies!

Twilight

I origionally started this blog to write about the many books I read. I just finished the Twilight series. I was in the middle of a book & I dropped it to read the Twilight Saga & now I'm back to it. Anyways, I LOVED IT! I thought they were just weird books about vampires. I let my best friend talk me into watching the movie Twilight and at that moment I knew I had to read the books. I then watched New Moon with her & I have every intention of going to the midnight viewing of Eclipse with her on June 30 :] I guess you could say I'm a little obsessed? I'm in love with Edward Cullen! Not Robert Pattinson, but Edward Cullen. His personality, the way he acts toward Bella. WHY can't he be real? Haha. I think there is someone for everyone, the way Bella was meant for Edward & one day, we will all find our other half. I'm not really into getting married so much anymore. I'm just living for the moment and looking for what suits me for the moment. In the end, I will end up hurt, but I'm happy in the moment. When I'm hurt, I'll move on to another temporary love that will make me happy until the next time. I guess that's one way of looking at my philosophy of love. Until I find my Edward at least :]

Depressing Thoughts.

Everyone is selfish. Me included. The world is not as inviting and friendly as it seems. It's a harsh place to be. Everyone loses in the end. We all die, it's inevitable. Because as much as I would love for Edward Cullen to be real, he's not and neither are vampires. So, in the end, we all lose. We work hard for what? For death? What's the point in even trying in life? What's the point in trying to do good and make a life for me and my daughter? I'm failing now so why try anymore? I'm in a lose-lose situation. No one is here to help. Just me. It wouldn't matter how many friends I have, they can't help. Boyfriend--can't help. Family--WON'T help. So, why fucking try anymore? I'm stuck in a place in my life not moving forward. I will never be able to move forward. So I'm living for the moment. Making myself happy for the moment. Because this moment is all I have.